Alternative 'Date Night' Ideas for Special Needs Parents
My husband and I were talking the other day about how our wedding anniversary is coming up in three weeks. We asked each other what we did for our last year's anniversary and we both kind of forgot...Then finally I remembered! "...Oh!" I said, "Remember, we stayed in that night with the kids, for movie night with pizza." I know what your thinking - We like to live life on the edge! To be honest, last year was the first time we didn't actually go out for our anniversary - Not that a family night in is a negative by any means, we actually enjoyed just chillin' out.
Anyways, it got us thinking, when was the last time we went on a date? As in an actual "date night" time alone without kids, real date? The worst part was neither of us could even remember! We thought for quite a while and realized that the whole, entire year had passed us by and we hadn't been on a date! Sad right?!? (Ok, no sympathy cards - honest!) Although I am a bit embarrassed to admit we haven't been on 1 date (unless you count random, small, speedy errands, like "I forgot the salad" for dinner; and leave the kids at home with grandma for a few minutes to drive 3 blocks to the store and back...) I realize we aren't the only ones who for one reason or another find it difficult to get out of the house and have a date night with your spouse (even when you aren't a special needs parent)! It wasn't our intention to not make the time, or if we did have time, there was no available care taker, or something else would always seem to get in the way (ya know, life). We are however, pretty good at being intentional with showing our love and affection for each other...Regardless of accidentally not having a date night for a year (possibly longer) we are very much in love and we keep our fire fresh and alive in many other ways (or as my husband likes to say, "Spice it up! Spice it up!") -- Although, we have promised each other to be much more purposeful about dates from now on!
We all know that date nights are important to keep your relationship strong and healthy (and especially when you have kids, maybe sane too!). You're also setting an example for your kids in the relationships they will have one day - So it's good for them to see you two prioritizing time for each other and enjoying the friendship you share in your marriage. I'm all for date nights! So in no way am I saying that these ideas should replace your fun date nights...but what if you don't have a caretaker, or for some other reason going out on a 'real date' isn't an option?...You need an alternative! Here are some things that we like to do...
-- Make dinner together! Try something new & have fun with it! (even if the kids are having something different)...I'm not talking the hurry lets get dinner ready!, sort of making dinner together either! I mean, take a night to slow down, enjoy it, take your time, be playful together!
-- Make dinner a friendly competition -- We've each created our own homemade pizza's with our own choice of crust, sauce, and toppings -- Best part is the taste test & choosing a winner! (who am I kidding, it's pizza - we ALL win!)
-- Surprise your spouse with their favorite dinner! (This time I added candles and set out a couple appetizers before he walked in the door from work & had dinner waiting - already fed the kiddos prior & they were content watching a movie, so this night we did a rare dinner alone in the dinning room)
-- Take the scenic route & go on a drive! (I know that this is risky if you have the littles in the back seat & may not pan out - But for that time you need an alternative, try bringing them a snack, maybe let them play on the ipad/phone, or maybe they will eventually fall asleep and you will have quiet time to enjoy good convo with your spouse and some scenery...with no destination. (Maybe it won't work...but maybe it WILL)
-- Date Night In! Movie Night with our favorite snacks, a cozy blanket & warm cuddles, next to your favorite person! (Try doing this after bedtime, so you have the room to yourself; but if you get interrupted the best part is the pause button - no worries!)
-- Vision Board! Are you crafty? If you answered no, that's ok! You can still do this! Some of the best times together are spent envisioning, planning, and goal setting to conquer those dreams and make them a reality, together! (Don't get frustrated if you can't finish this all at once; just put away and bring it back out the next available night. Ours can take coming back to it, up to 3-4 times to complete).
-- Morning Coffee! My husband is an early riser and also goes to work early; as in gone before I even think about getting up to get the kiddos to ready for school -- So sometimes, if I want to squeeze in some extra 'us' time, I purpose to get up early with him, have coffee together, and get to chat...Perfect way to get me going in the morning (then I start my usual routine, after he leaves for work).
-- Random Act of Thoughtfulness & Love! Do something out of the ordinary for your spouse, for no reason at all, just because you love them. Get them a card & write a love letter, detail their car (without them knowing), Take a dry erase marker & write to them on the bathroom mirror, bring them breakfast in bed, swing by on the way home and pick up that something they pointed out the other day, do several of their 'typical responsibilities' they normally contribute (ie. picking up the kids, grocery shopping, laundry, clean up after dinner, etc.)...Be creative, think outside the box...My husband blew me away with this gesture of flowers and one of my fav. Starbucks drinks - Not only was it a surprise that he showed up to my work to hand deliver them, but I worked in a secured building (can only get in with a badge); so he worked around that by contacting a friend who also works there and had them to sign him in as a guest, walk him to my office, so he could hand deliver them to me. Unexpected act of love for no special occasion - Loved it!
-- Special Project! Do that house project you've been putting off and do it together! Have fun with it!...We may or may not have had a small (but friendly...and clean) paint fight together!
-- Bedroom?! Dare I say it? (We're all adults here, right?) But if you are married, its a vital part! Keep it fresh, switch it up a little, give each other back rubs, be spontaneous, maybe light some candles, play some music, set the mood, do something new. (I'll leave the rest up to you)....
Hopefully, this gave you some practical and new ideas that will be fun alternatives when doing a date night just seems impossible. If something you try doesn't work (because the littles need your attention) don't give up! Our efforts don't always work out how we plan them to. Cut yourself some slack. Sometimes, just knowing that there was thought and effort from the other person is just as good as it working with no interruptions from the littles. Just take a deep breath and try, try again! It's so worth it, when you get that time and it refreshes you.
If you do something not listed, add to the list by commenting below! Would love to hear more ideas!
About the Author: Christina Rauschert is living an on purpose life & fulfilling her dreams - Wife and special needs mommy of two, woman of faith, special needs advocate, and founder of the Limitless Ability Organization. She loves spending quality time with her family, has a passion for educating and advocating for the special needs community, exploring cultures through food and travel; and creating memories through fun experiences.
